i want to ache

Lately I've become numbed by the physical pleasures Divinity provides for us. By physical pleasures I mean: food, sleep, entertainment, etc. They're addictive pacifiers. In truth, realizing who we are is a rather painful feeling, as Hafiz comments: "separation from God is the hardest thing in the world." Once you know, and really allow yourself to be in that space, you're thrown in a plethora of ecstasy: seeking, finding, being. However, if we don't reaffirm that space daily, we can easily go back to our regular numb bodies, minds and spirits. I feel like I've done that this week.

I haven't felt very comfortable these last 2 weeks because of a mild cold, just strong enough to make me annoyed at the loss of energy and inconvenience. It's amazing how quickly the disengage from that inner well can occur. According to my research, it seems like most 'saints' who attain a permanent connection to Divine do so after 20-30 years of work. It's hard for me to realize constantly how young I am, and how much future is really sitting in front of me. I am realizing this more and more, and am being much less hard on myself. This ability allows me to use my daily activities and 'retrogressions' (as I might see them) as lessons along the path to my Inner Castle.

Just Sit There Right Now
by Hafiz, Translated by Daniel Ladinsky

Just
sit there right now.
Don't do a thing. Just rest.

For
your separation from God
is the hardest work in this world.

Let me bring you trays of food and something
that you like to
drink.

You can use
my soft words
as a cushion
for your head.