Thursday, March 31, 2011

Healed.

I just received word from a dear beautiful soul who happens to be a patient of mine. Her spirit is healed from cancer.

For those of you who have not had cancer, this might be a difficult concept to comprehend.

As an ovarian cancer survivor, I know first hand how deeply rooted cancer is in the mind and the spirit. My spirit and mind suffered for years before my diagnosis. I wasn't miserable, in the sense that I was functional, active and pretty successful in my studies and jobs, but there was no deep sense of joy, of fulfilling my purpose and serving that which is good.

Every few months I would suddenly weep with an aching loneliness, a feeling of isolation, that I was cut off from something important. I would later discover that it was me I was feeling cut off from. The beautiful, true part of me. I had faith and a wonderful relationship with the cosmos (Christ, Buddha, God, the Holy Spirit, you name it), but yet I felt adrift.

I know I'm getting mystical on some of you, but c'est la vie, and c'est moi.

After treatment, which included a grueling five hour surgery and lots of lovely CT scans as follow up, I followed alternative medicine protocols to heal my immune system to prevent a recurrence (an event I was told was very likely within the next two years - thanks, Doc, for that seed.)

While I made great strides with my immune system, I went through some deep emotional and spiritual cleansing. I had to look at the ugly, putrid parts of me that I was still identifying with and that were preventing me from being joyous and enjoying the life that I was gifted with, and deserving of.

For those two years, every time I went for a CT scan, I would suffer anxiety attacks. Part of me knew I was better, but another part, a deep part still suffered and was fearful of a recurrence. The cancer was still a part of me - not manifesting symptomatically, but hovering, waiting.

After several dark nights of the soul , I felt my self awaken. My identity shifted from one who had been ill, and could still be, to a woman with much love, laughter, and healing to provide to those who wish it.

This is why I understand my sweet patient so well, and why my soul is brimming with joyous laughter, and happy tears, because she is healed.

PS: all of the cancer sores have steadily disappeared from her skin. Woohoo!

1 comment:

Molly Darden said...

Akemi, I am happy that this experience is over, and that you have weathered it well, healing your inner self along with the outer. I believe that the Ultimate Source is always with us, and will help us as and when we need It and are ready to receive the help.
One Love. Om shanti Om.
Molly Darden