Friday, July 28, 2006

why fear?

There is no need or place for fear in my life. I am understanding more and more that the fear I feel and the consequent physical symptoms are simply a manifestation of uncertainty in my being.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Failing Forward

I found out this morning that I failed 2 portions of the board examinations for acupuncture. The best part? It was the 2 easiest portions. At least, I thought they were at the time. You’ll have to excuse me, as I’m still in a bit of shock.
There are 2 predominant trains of thought in my mind right now:

1. AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
2. Hmm. Interesting. Thy will be done, not mine. What is it that You want me to do, Beloved? Why this wake up call?

I’m going to take care of train of thought number one in Kung Fu tonight. As my boyfriend drove me home this morning I was making a momentous effort not to let my emotions overtake me and I could feel my neck tighten. It is an old feeling. I used to repress so much emotion. My whole right upper back is aching now. Isn’t it amazing how quickly it happens? Even though I’m conscious of this pattern, it is still occurring. However, because of my consciousness, and my will, it is not overtaking me. I am not stuck in this mode, I am slowly and consciously moving beyond it. It will take some effort, as tears stream into my eyes now and frustration courses through me. It’s okay.

I know who I am, and what I am here to do. I realize sometimes the universe will do what it needs to in order to keep the timing correct. It’s not time for me to start practicing right now. Perhaps I need to be working on the foundation of my practice, rather than jump straight into it. Perhaps I need to take a break, and rest, and finish healing and take the time I never took after last year’s surgery. Perhaps I need to enjoy my life, and live it, and not worry so much about finances and security. Perhaps I should have more Faith, and visualize and manifest that which is the will of my Highest Self, the I AM.

I call upon the wisdom and strength of my highest Self. I call upon my guides, ascended and unascended, angels, masters and prophets. Help me clarify my vision, and strengthen this body. Prepare me for that which I came here to do. Amyn.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Old Poems

I was cleaning my room (a rare occurrence indeed), and fell upon an old journal from 2003-2004. I read through several of my poems, little mystical things they are, and decided to share. Here's one from April 2004.
Must it be more clear
my dear One?

after talking to you I float away
on a cloud of God's Fire into
a tropical rainforest
where the waters fall
and my fairies dance.