testing. testing.

So I've been getting pretty confident in the past few weeks in my ability to 'deal' with life, and having faith in Divinity. I've been working on strengthening/clearing my lower chakras and learning how to use them properly as I've spent most of my life in la la 4-7th chakra land. As with any major growth event, life provided me with an opportunity to see what i need to work on.

Hence, "Testing. Testing. Chakra 1 are you there?"
Hello, Dolly! Woohoo! It turns out I do have a first chakra. Who'dathunkit? This is my connection to my roots, my family, my tribe, my finances...my foundation, if you will (along with Chakras 2-3). So my bank account got all screwed up in a seemingly never-ending cycle of: debit. debit. debit. will not deposit. debit. fees. fees. more fees. did we mention we'll charge MORE fees? This happened to me once before and I freaked out. Well. I was scared for a bit, but decided to talk to my family. I knew that with every prayer Grace is immediately sent back along with guidance. The question is: how do we read that guidance? On Saturday I thought "go talk to your father." I thought, ok. hmm. ok. he's working on the house. hmm.

Sunday comes along: "talk to your dad." hmm. really? hmm.

Monday: I actually see my dad. Dad empathizes. Daddy helps. Yay! Problem solved. Well, kind of. We still need to work on the underlying issue but, I listened to my intuition and received Grace! I'm just psyched. It works!!! It really works!

I have more to share but I'm so excited that I'm rambling :D Have a beautiful day.

PS: for more info on what i'm working on (chakras), go to Carolyn Myss' Website and click on chakras.

feeling better.

Mercury, Venus and Moon in Colorado
I've been thinking about this, and overall I feel better than I ever have in my life. I'm clear, focused, and secure. I have faith in myself, and all That Is. I've been practicing the balance of spiritual, physical and emotional. It seems a natural inclination. For example, after waking and dressing, I'll do Tai Chi in the morning while my breakfast is cooking. I'm more adept at self diagnosis: i'm more aware of what I'm feeling, and am able to be honest enough with myself to find out what I need to do about it. I've noticed a lot of fear rules my life, and I am working on unplugging from that (re-training my reflexes). It takes a lot of patience and love.

Ever since I can remember, I've lived a double life. I would say about 20% of my attention was focused on present time ('real life'). The rest of the time I would spend in some fantasy world that my mind created for 'escape.' I can't fathom how many hours of my life I've spent fantasizing about my life, my future, my career, my children, my friends, my home...guys i've liked, movies i've watched, books i've read.

The past 3 weeks have been strongly focused on living in the present and letting go of memories/fantasies as much as possible. Can I tell you that I feel clear-headed, energetic, and happy? That I'm making higher grades than I've ever made? With less of the stress and self-abuse that tends to occur? A huge contribution to this is the level of trust I've placed in my Higher Guidance and All That Is. It works! It really works!

Butterflies keep crossing my path, and I'm so happy when I see them. At first I smiled internally whenever I saw one, but today, while driving to school I caught myself grinning hugely as one flew right by my car. I was almost in shock at how happy and grateful I was for that moment. It was amazing. This is how life should make me feel. No. This is how I should feel about life.

Sincerely,

happy and grateful in florida

living by a code

i've determined that each individual has her own honor code. Something that is born inside of them, and later influenced by their family and culture. I've noticed throughout my life that whenever I do certain things, my solar plexus hurts, or I feel slightly uncomfortable. I used to shove that feeling aside and keep going. I figured out that the feeling was my energy telling me that I didn't really want to be doing or thinking that. It did not feel right to keep spending my own energy to do something that I deeply did not want to do. Why do we do this?

We don't listen.

Everything we need to know is inside of us. But for whatever reason, we're not attuned. Let me tell you, once you're ready to tune in, you'll get all the help you need. But it is WORK. It takes constant attunement and reflection. My body gives me hundreds of messages within a short period of time, and I am only now learning how to decipher them. A part of me had been thinking that it is selfish to spend so much time on myself, until I figured out that by knowing what my honor code is, I can live my honor code. This is my service to my brothers and sisters. Do unto others, and all that jazz.

All I can tell you is, so far, life is good.

finding the goddess within

God. what a corny name for this particular blog...but what else do i call it? What do I call Her? She looks like a Goddess. She acts like a Goddess. Her eyes are violet-lavender, and her hair, a massive mane that acts like a Violet Flame. She doesn't speak much, her eyes and facial gestures are more than enough to communicate ever intimate intention. She is a peaceful and powerful prescence, both Warrior and Tranquil Mother. I don't yet know whether she is inside or outside of me, but does that really matter? I become purified and enlightened when graced with her prescence.

The attacks on London served to strengthen my determination to become a calming and light-full being. I need to be centered enough to send light to those who need it at a second's notice. Divinity shall be served!

cool pic

Mauna Kea, the famous dormant volcano in Hawai'i. Looks rather alien, no?

For more info look at the

NASA website

spiritual independence

I've spent this weekend wondering in the back of my mind whether we are truly a Free country or not. I haven't found an answer to it as there are arguments for and against. What I have been thinking about is spiritual independence. I think this is an absolutely necessary foundation for true growth and liberation.

I believe that we go through stages of spiritual growth, and in the beginning we need someone to hold our hands. This would be our mentor, guide, church, holy book, etc. Most of us spend most of our lives in this stage. It can be tragically debilitating. Letting go of this is as difficult of letting go of our mother's hand the first day of kindergarten. I know, some of us let go easier than others, but I believe that mother-child bond is the most powerful on the planet. We'd never have survived otherwise.

When I finally let go of my Spiritual Mother's hand, I found my long-lived fear of being alone to be completely unfounded. I found my Mother, my Father, my Lover, and my Friend fully contained inside of me.

Spiritual independence will allow me to stand on my own two feet, as well as join any other being in sacred worship of Divine Life.

conciousness

I have so many lessons to learn it is sometimes hard not to become impatient or overwhelmed. The great thing is that there is something inside of me that tells me that I have to put minimum 80% of my energy in the Now. What is the Now? To me it is present time. I’ve realized how much of me is not here with me.

At any given time I’m worrying about my brothers, praying for my mother, wondering what my crush is doing, playing with the angels, laying in the sand in a sunny beach, exploring new solar systems, feeling slightly afraid of my father, wondering if I’m supposed to have children, wondering if I’m supposed to want to have children, feeling like I should be praying, making up stories in my head, missing my friends from Canada, sending warm thoughts to Jerusalem, praying for soldiers, shaking my head at war, crying over suffering children, laughing with Hafiz and Teresa of Avila, and singing a song in my head. How could I possibly be present while I’m doing all this?

My mind is more powerful and amazing that any computer made on this planet. I want to use it (dharmashakti) as I’m supposed to. I’ve been experimenting with living in present time and I’m getting tremendous results. My growth is manifesting in the exterior as well, which is why I’ve been having a hard time keeping up with my blog. I feel more secure and able to handle daily situations simply because I’m present.

I feel less need for escapism as well. I’m not saying at all that I don’t still automatically do what I’ve done most of my life, but at least I’m recognizing that I’m doing it. I’m slowly become aware of what thoughts and situations I’m financing with my energy.

I think this is a process that I'll be going through my entire life. I don't mind. I think becoming aware is vital to life. I'm enjoying the process.

Blessed be.