I've been impressively calm since about 7:45 last night. I had a
little breakdown, I was sad at my patient's depression and
overwhelming fatigue. It just hurt so badly. He is such a beautiful
person.
Now today I am once again nervous. scattered. painfully concious of my
mental insanity. Ha. Do the insane notice their insanity? I don't
know. I'm in a communications class in school, and we are practicing
'noticing.' This is what I notice about myself.
My eyes tend to tear up for no reason that I am concious of. I just
randomly get so sad.
My chest flutters and it feels unstable. I feel like I can't breathe
properly even though I am taking even breaths.
I feel uncomfortable in my chest.
My neck hurts.
I love the green leaves of trees. Of plants in my home. They are a sign of LIFE.
I am alive. I am alive, oh Lord thank you for your bounty. I am so
glad I am here even with my petty fears and uncertain insecutiries,
this mismatch of supreme self-confidence and annihilated self-image.
To quote a song from the Birmingham Sunlights:
"Help me on my journey, help me on my way,
please, please, please, Lord help me,
you're the only Friend I have."
Lord, Help me on my Journey.
