musings to a Friend

Whenever a dark cloud appears within my horizon, and my mind inevitably creates thunder, my spirit turns to a magical land. I overcame my long time fear of the dark by listening to the whisper of the fairy forest. At night, when I couldn’t sleep I would walk barefoot in absolute darkness, and allowed my heart to be guided by the brilliant moon and playful flora in the pine forest. Once I reached the sun-kissed pond, I would lay on the grass for hours while the wind played with my hair. The stars winked at me from above, beguiling and beckoning me into their endless light.

I have never before felt such a strong connection to the land around me. This land felt like it was inside of me and I couldn’t tell where my heart ended and a tree began. The grass was an extension of my feet and toes. My nose feasted on the fresh smells and my taste buds exploded with yummy greens.

Studying Chinese medicine has given me an understanding of yin and yang, and therefore a more intense and realistic experience of my Great Mother. She is both shadow and light, endless conciousness and individual mind, my body and the space between every atom in the universe.

I’ve been reading Great Swan, a book about Ramakrishna. In it, he comments about the difference between ecstatic lovers of god and a jnani, an adept of transcendent knowledge. I understand that in the beginning of our travels through self-awareness, we must work through sets of paradigms. We learn scriptures, and prayers. We create a certain space in our mind for ‘Divine’. We slowly strive to mold our minds and bodies into a tuned container so that we can commune with this almost alien concept of Supreme Oneness. Ramakrishna noted that the mature ecstatic lovers fall in love with immanence and not transcendence. “The lover wants to taste the ineffable sweetness of sugar, not to become a transparent crystal of sugar.” I find myself flipping constantly between these two states. I truly yearn for a transcendently ecstatic state, unattached to happiness and tears, but find myself lost in the demanding physical world.

My heart is addicted to sweets. Whenever I imagine the sweet nectar that is my life, my heart giggles and joyously dances through the universes inside of me.