help me. please.

Things are shifting again. My body is adjusting to new lessons learned via acquired awareness. I’m aware of how many useless thoughts and beliefs I feed with my life force. For example: “I’m young, I should be sexual. No. Sexuality is bad. Dangerous. Reproduce. Be a good wife. Don’t do that. Find yourself. Make a career. Become self-sufficient. Provide for your family. Find a husband that will provide for you. Be completely unique, but at the same time be like everyone else. You should be taller. Short is cute. The UN is useless. Love any effort towards unification. Protect yourself. Provide for yourself. Depend on yourself. Be ambitious. Be successful. Be driven. Look good. Feel guilty for being part of a country that’s bombing innocent people. Support our soldiers.” AHHHHHHHHHHH.

Silent tears course through my heart as I search for my core. My hands shake as I write this, as I am tempted to despair. There is so much work to be done, and as much as I want to help others, I can do nothing unless I help myself. I can do nothing unless I am a fountain of Peace, Hope, Love, Understanding, Strength, Faith, and Victory. It is difficult to heal myself, Beloved. Why can’t I just work on everyone else?

I laugh as I write this because I KNOW that everything outside of me is a reflection of what’s inside of me.

Lord, be my guide. Be my everything. I surrender to you.

Help me. Please.