I feel better today. This past week has been sort of an emotional rollercoaster. not sort of-it has. I finally shared my troubles with my mami, after some resistance from my ego. What broke me down was my brother's cynical views on my situation: "you're screwed". lol. I couldn't end it on that note and had to seek more optimist views. I feel like I'm naturally a happy and optimistic person, and I get tired of being angry or sad very quickly. Thank God. Anyway, so I mostly go through cycles of being sad, upset for 1 day, the next day I get tired of it...become quite happy and fun for a few days, then I might start overthinking the situation that saddened me, and so on, until I work through it.
Its amazing that its been 3 weeks since my surgery to remove the tumor. I feel kind of lazy, like I should be doing more. I feel more ready to start my spiritual disciplines once again.
First task is to start waking up earlier...I'm compensating for that with falling asleep earlier :) Second task is to quit watching so much TV. Its rather boring and mostly leaves me feeling frustrated. Today I told myself I was not turning the TV on unless it was to watch the movies I've netflixed: What the bleep do we know!, Sex and Lucia, and Pirates of the Caribbean. I haven't felt like watching any of them since M left.
Last night I had a dream with Sathya and Ma. Esperanza...two very close spiritual friends who live in Venezuela. It was quite sweet. I had very real eye contact with Sathya...I felt very present in the moment, and it is quite clear in my mind right now. Ma. Esperanza and I shared an emotional hug...I miss her sweet smile. Happy Birthday, Beautiful!
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