conciousness

I have so many lessons to learn it is sometimes hard not to become impatient or overwhelmed. The great thing is that there is something inside of me that tells me that I have to put minimum 80% of my energy in the Now. What is the Now? To me it is present time. I’ve realized how much of me is not here with me.

At any given time I’m worrying about my brothers, praying for my mother, wondering what my crush is doing, playing with the angels, laying in the sand in a sunny beach, exploring new solar systems, feeling slightly afraid of my father, wondering if I’m supposed to have children, wondering if I’m supposed to want to have children, feeling like I should be praying, making up stories in my head, missing my friends from Canada, sending warm thoughts to Jerusalem, praying for soldiers, shaking my head at war, crying over suffering children, laughing with Hafiz and Teresa of Avila, and singing a song in my head. How could I possibly be present while I’m doing all this?

My mind is more powerful and amazing that any computer made on this planet. I want to use it (dharmashakti) as I’m supposed to. I’ve been experimenting with living in present time and I’m getting tremendous results. My growth is manifesting in the exterior as well, which is why I’ve been having a hard time keeping up with my blog. I feel more secure and able to handle daily situations simply because I’m present.

I feel less need for escapism as well. I’m not saying at all that I don’t still automatically do what I’ve done most of my life, but at least I’m recognizing that I’m doing it. I’m slowly become aware of what thoughts and situations I’m financing with my energy.

I think this is a process that I'll be going through my entire life. I don't mind. I think becoming aware is vital to life. I'm enjoying the process.

Blessed be.