a novel thought

I've been quite miserable for the past week. I've been miserable my
whole life, on and off. But the intensity of emotion experienced by
my body has been...beyond the norm. Quite a few experiences have come
to me at the same time. I feel like a nexus of energy....like a
potential Black Hole. I feel as if I'm imploding. I feel as if every
cell in my bodies (physical, mental, emotional, akashic/etheric) are
in a state of what the Chinese call "separation of yin and yang". It
feels as if I'm being pulled apart, and slowly regenerating a new
'body'.

I can only assume I am going through an identity crisis. It is time to
choose.

Do I identify with my mind, with it's penchant for creating my
present feeling based on what happened a week ago? a month ago? a year
ago? Do I identify with my emotional body, with it's inability to
break out of an emotional thought-form, incredibly difficult to
neutralize and elevate? Do I identify with my body, with it's
constant stresses, and physical manifestations of the miseries of my
mind and emotions?

A novel thought entered this brain: what if I stop?

My heart and mind stopped for a millisecond.

A tempting experience. I wanted more.

Just take a second with me here. What if I 'pretend' the past didn't
happen? What If I pretend that it was nothing more than a commercial
on a cosmic television. Those things didn't 'happen' to 'me'.

What if I exist in this very perfect moment free of the past? Free of
the future?

What if I just quit?

Oh, my Beloved Friend. That just might be too tempting for me to resist.

If I just quit. If I just quit. If I just quit, I would be free to
worship my Beloved. My beautiful, wonderful, sexy and ever expansive Beloved every second of my life.

Who could blame me? I don't think I'll be able to help myself. This
is just too delicious. Too delicious to forget.